Courtesy of CBS

Our sharp-tongued contributing editor is back in front of the boob tube, watching Mark Burnett's version of the Australian Outback with glee. He's promised a weekly column replete with copious ridicule and cheap shots, and he's delivering all that and so much more. It's more scrumptious than raw tripe and more delightful than flying in military transport planes—feast on his delicious satire after every episode.

Survivor II: Episode Fifteen 5.03.01
As We Bid Farewell to This Harsh Land of Contrasts, Camp Barramundi Stands as Silent Sentinel to Nature's Grim Fury

Survivor II: Episode Fourteen 4.26.01
If I Told My Mother She Had a Beautiful Body, Do You Think She'd Hold It Against Me?

Survivor II: Episode Thirteen 4.19.01
As the Floodwaters Rise, the Gene Pool Dwindles

Survivor II: Episode Twelve 4.12.01
Ma'ams and Sirs, Can You Say Duh?

Survivor II: Episode Eleven 4.05.01
Eat Your Rice, You Little Ingrate, There Are People Starving In Australia

Survivor II: Episode Ten 3.29.01
Rainy Days and Jerri Always Bring Me Down

Survivor II: Episode Nine 3.21.01
If a Sequel Is to an Original What Vomit Is to a Meal, Then What's a Rerun of a Sequel?

Survivor II: Episode Eight 3.14.01
Sixteen Twits and What Do You Get?

Survivor II: Episode Seven 3.08.01
Two Teams Bad. One Team Worse.

Survivor II: Episode Six 3.01.01
History Appears Twice, First as Tragedy, and Later as Dinner Theater

Survivor II: Episode Five 2.22.01
Please Kill Me Before I Breed Again!

Survivor II: Episode Four 2.15.01
In Remake of Milne Classic, CBS Casts Piglet as The Other White Meat

Survivor II: Episode Three 2.8.01
Even Bad Things Taste Good in the Great Out-of-Doors.

Survivor II: Episode Two 2.1.01
She'd Love to Stay, But She's Just Gotta Go

Survivor II: Episode One 1.28.01
If You Eat a Cane Toad for Breakfast the Rest of the Day Can Only Get Better

Survivor I: Summer/Fall 2000
Bill Vaughn's predictions and curses during Survivor's visit to Palau Tiga

Survivor I: Survive This July 2000
Rejected-twice!-by the people behind the phony "reality-based" TV adventure show, our vengeful writer pays a surprise visit to Survivor's Island shoot to wreak some authentic havoc.