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Outside Magazine September 2001

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Mr. Bush Has a Dream
Hello, this is your President talking. Have I got an environmental plan for you!

By Bruce McCall

My fellow Americans, as your President, my most trusted advisors tell me that real leadership begins by following their advice on what's good for America. I am happy to do so, because they also tell me that it's the best advice available. And frankly, that's good enough for me, which coming from me really means something, because I am, after all, the President.

The time for bipartisanship and civil debate is behind us. It's always easier to tear down than to build up, and that is why I'm tearing down as much as I can. Energy, conservation, preservation, the environment—let's do away with slogans and catchphrases and set national policy by humbly listening to the loudest voices.



	Inspirational conservation messages from our President, freshly chopped out of virgin pine forests and visible from 20,000 feet

These voices tell me that one of my dreams for America is to buy Oregon, rename it New California, and convert the "old" California into a maximum-security federal prison with a very tall fence around it. This will end the so-called California energy crisis, relieve our overcrowded jails, create thousands of jobs for screws and matrons and executioners, and save $383 trillion that will go toward a retroactive tax cut in the final weeks of my first term, allowing every American citizen to buy or lease the biggest SUV he or she can find—and incentivizing the oil industry to explore even in places where there is no oil!

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