I Poached the White Elephant (Cont.)

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Outside Magazine November 2002

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I Poached the White Elephant (Cont.)

I TIDIED UP FOR THE PAPARAZZI before deplaning back home. Strangely, the airport terminal was quiet. No matter—the flashbulbs would surely pop once the folks at Guinness World Records got hold of the news. But then, a few months later, I received this, from Scott Christie in the Guinness Records Research Services division in London, England: "After having examined the information you sent, and given full consideration to your proposal, I am afraid we are unable to accept your proposal as a record. We have looked at your proposal in detail, but as you yourself mention it would be a first. A 'first' is not necessarily, in itself, a record. Records have to be breakable, measurable and comparable."

This made no sense. If, however unlikely, someone skiboarded higher and farther, would they not be breaking my record?

Mr. Christie continued: "I appreciate you have gone to a lot of effort, and we are delighted to hear from people around the world with their record claims and suggestions. However, given the sheer scope of the records on our database, and the growing number of people contacting us with record claims and suggestions, we need to exercise some editorial control over what is and is not accepted as a record."

Ah, so there was the nut of it—some kind of antiskiboarding prejudice. Seething with anger, I typed a curt response. "Dear Mr. Christie," I wrote. "I suggest you reconsider. Frankly, your decision to deny Eric's first-ever skiboard descent of Mount Kilimanjaro is about as logical as feeding grass to a dog—or for that matter, meat to a goat. Sincerely, Eric Hansen."

I knew I'd never send the letter. Postmodern adventurers must maintain good style. But somehow, it made me, and Eric, feel better.

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