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The Hard Way The Blowhard Way (cont.) IN A HURRY TO PLAN your next big trip? Call the Hard Way Psychic Hotline (1-900-HARD-WAY), and for just dollars a minute, we'll provide the world's best expedition advice—and even critique your expedition plans! For a taste of the kind of life-transforming, confidence-boosting services we offer, listen in on a recent call from an aspiring explorer: "Hi, you're on the line with the Hard Way Psychic Hotline. How can we help you today?" "I'm going to bicycle to the tops of the highest points in all 50 states." "OK. Let's think about this: The highest point in Kansas is in the plains and can be reached by mountain bike. But what about Gannett Peak, in Wyoming? It's in a wilderness area." "I'll ride as far as I can, then carry the bike to the top." "Have you thought about Mount Rainier or Mount Whitney?" "My support team will carry the wheels and I'll carry the frame." "And Denali?" "No problem. We'll disassemble the bike, pull all the parts in a sled on the glacier, then dump them in a backpack and carry it to the summit." "Can I ask you one question?" "Shoot." "What would you think if someone decided to carry a refrigerator to the tops of all 50 highpoints?" "I'd think they were really stupid, man." "True enough. Thanks for calling the Hard Way Psychic Hotline!" ARE YOU LIKE ME? Do you feel compelled to scrutinize and scorn everything that annoys you? Are your high standards bringing you down? Is it in your nature to provide unsolicited commentary on all aspects of human existence? Don't worry: You're not alone. Coming soon, the next installment from my best-selling Hard Way series: Rant (Not Chant!) Yourself Sane meditation tapes, with harshly scented candles. Stay tuned.
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