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Outside Magazine, June 2005

Outside Goes to the Movies
Tainted Love
For some serendipitous reason, these five flicks have transcended their badness—nay, embraced it—to become camp classics so heinous they're hilarious. Don't analyze. Just sit back and soak up the schlock.

By Anthony Cerretani

BLUE LAGOON (1980)
Why It's So Wrong: Most of us watched to see if Christopher Atkins and Brooke Shields would make like Adam and Eve. They did (sort of), but while the filmmakers had us trapped, they served up 104 minutes of bad dialogue.
Why It's So Right: Tropical beaches, beautiful scenery, two innocents stumbling upon unspoiled paradise. It's The Lord of the Flies, except this time one of the castaways is a nymphet.

BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE (1989)
Why It's So Wrong: Even if your high school classmates were totally bogus, there's no way they were stupider than these two guys (Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter), who use a time machine to meet VIPs like Beethoven and Joan of Arc and haul them back to Southern California so they can ace a history report.
Why It's So Right: Lines like "Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan?" are pretty damn funny. And we love the fact that SoCal slackers save the world. Party on!

CLIFFHANGER (1993)
Why It's So Wrong: We tried to count the ways, but between John Lithgow's lame British accent, Sylvester Stallone's rock-jock jive, and the endless alpine absurdities—including a gun that fires bolts directly into rock—well, we lost track.
Why It's So Right: Toothy peaks, daring rescues, Rocky in crampons . . . oh, and lines like "Gravity's a bitch, ain't it?"

VERTICAL LIMIT (2000)
Why It's So Wrong: Chris "Mr. Sensitive" O'Donnell as a burly K2 mountaineer? Ahem, we'd like to fire someone in casting. There's also the little matter of getting everything wrong, from climbing technique to the shape of K2. But whatever.
Why It's So Right: It's a blast to watch grimacing actors haul liquid nitro up the world's second-highest peak.

xXx (2002)
Why It's So Wrong: For starters, the deadly flood of one-liners from Vin Diesel, who says things like "I live for this shit" just before getting yanked, via parachute, out of a zooming airplane.
Why It's So Right: BASE jumping off bridges, motocross chases in Colombia, a cameo by skater king Tony Hawk, and Diesel playing an extreme-sports-star-turned-secret-agent who can snowboard an avalanche.

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