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Way to Go
Kids v. Dogs

They may often act alike, look alike, and on certain unsavory occasions, even smell alike. But trust us: Deep down, kids and dogs are as different as wet and dry. That's why any well-armed parent bold enough to attempt a multispecies road trip should keep in mind key differences between the creatures in the backseat. Such as:

Potty stops:

Kids: Every 4.5 minutes or 4.5 miles beyond "last services for 45 miles" sign
Dogs: Every time the car rolls back onto the highway after the kids have gone

Most frequent thought:

Kids: Y'know, from behind, Dad looks exactly like Tinky Winky
Dogs: Ptooey. Doesn't taste like Corinthian leather to me

Most common road-trip structural damage:

Kids: The old Crayola-wax-melted-into-plush-velour trick
Dogs: Slightly remodeled coffee-cup holder/teething ring

Biggest irritant:

Kids: Embarrassing parental KC & the Sunshine Band funk-alongs
Dogs: Sleeping on the hump

Never-fail sleep aid:

Kids: License-plate games
Dogs: Tummy rub

— Ron C. Judd