| THE GAME... |
THE PLAYERS... |
ATTEMPT TO... |
WHILE BUNKING DOWN... |
THE CONTESTANTS BATTLE... |
WHILE... |
IN ORDER TO... |
Frontier House
PBS, premieres in early 2002 |
Three families armed with a trunk of itchy period clothes |
live as 1880s homesteaders in backwoods Montana |
in rickety hand-built and pre-fab hovels nestled in a secret valley very far away from anything remotely dible. |
June snowstorms, scurvy, weevils, hot cast-iron skillets, and frequent comparisons to the Unabomber |
milking cows and begging the crew for Whoppers |
return home, where their houses will be egged and their children will be called "the PBS nerds." |
Ultimate Reality
A&E, premieres in early October |
A carpenter from Georgia, a cargo pilot from Ohio, and other "real folk" |
experience their (non-sexual) adventures of a lifetime |
in decent Egyptian hotels, in England, in midair, and in a shark cage surrounded by slavering great whites. |
the sinking feeling that, besides that night in Juarez, this hammy made-for-TV stunt may be the only exciting adventure they have before they die |
BASE jumping, jousting, belly dancing, and swimming with sharks |
be browbeaten by their grandchildren in 20 years when they won't shut up about the night they "slept with a real shark!" |
Survivor: Africa
CBS, premieres on October 11 |
Two teams of wanna-be actors armed with exhibitionism and a hunger for fame |
survive in the African veld while making nice with their cosurvivors |
among cheetahs, zebras, rabid camera crews, and tiki torches on Kenya's telegenic Shaba National Reserve. |
charging elephants, fellow competitors, poor hygiene, and People magazine photographers in Range Rovers |
eating unfamiliar masses of protein and avoiding bad hair days |
win a million dollars, possible book contracts, and cameo roles on The Young and the Restless. |
Worst-Case Scenario
TBS, premieres in January 2002 |
Ordinary folks just like you, but with less sense, no shame, and cojones |
reenact scenarios from the best-selling guidebook of the same name |
at their homes and in various emergency rooms and trauma centers throughout the United States and abroad. |
quicksand, alligators, avalanches, long TBS commercial breaks, the looming risk of cancellation, and copycat accidents |
entrusting their lives to instructions in a little yellow book |
learn what fire tastes like, show off their mullets on national TV, and prove to ex-girlfriends that they can read. |
Outward Bound
Discovery Kids Channel, premieres early 2002 |
Four boys and four girls, from 14 to 16, of varying athletic ability and emotional stability |
challenge themselves mentally and physically on official two-week Outward Bound courses |
in private houses throughout the central mountains of Costa Rica, along Class IV rivers, and under the stars in Dinosaur National Monument. |
self-doubt, homesickness, black beans, a critical shortage of Oxy-10, hair in new and unfamiliar places, and a complete absence of 'N Sync paraphernalia. |
caving, whitewater rafting, trekking, rock climbing, and containing wild hormonal surges while cameras are rolling |
graduate from Outward Bound with a sense of self-reliance, muscles, and the skills to rope up and safely sneak out a second-story window. |
Lost in the USA
The WB, premiers in early October |
Four three-person teams, each with an Internet hookup and a cell phone |
win a cross-country scavenger hunt, aided by TV viewers |
in a 21-foot, 8-inch Winnebago Rialta with a cramped bathroom and a minifridge as they search for random items on America's highways. |
poverty, falling asleep at the wheel, embarrassment, getting lost, dangerous fellow Americans, and couch potatoes who want to vote them off the show |
bungee jumping in Seattle, posing naked at a nudist colony |
win cash, vehicles, and trips that don't involve living in a Winnebago Rialta. |
The Amazing Race
CBS, premiered September 10 |
Eleven duos with limited funds, including a mother-daughter team and an engaged couple |
reach checkpoints throughout the globe guided by only a vague clue |
in strange locales where breaking native taboos means immediate death. This may or may not include yurts. |
foreign tongues, bickering, Hare Krishnas at the airport, and a constant urge to hum the theme music to The Odd Couple |
struggling to reach distant checkpoints and avoiding being sold to brothels in Thailand |
win a million dollars, finally overcome separation anxiety, and learn that Mom snores like a backed-up sewer drain. |
LOST
NBC, premiered in early September |
Three pairs of disoriented strangers armed with 50-pound packs and about $100 |
return to the Statue of Liberty after being dropped in some godforsaken terra incognita |
in various cryogenic chambers and celebrity bedrooms throughout the world. (OK, NBC wouldn't spill the beans at press time. But wouldn't that be rad?) |
allergies, bus schedules, the Ebola virus, endless liters of orange Fanta, and a troop of highly intelligent apes. (They wouldn't let us in on this one either.) |
learning to adjust the declination on a compass and exploring the world's lackluster transportation infrastructure |
contain their seething rage when they are referred to as "huddled masses" by the perfectly coiffed host after landing on Ellis
Island. |
