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The Devil's Dictionary
end-o (n): flying over your handlebars,then being mourned at your funeral-o. ep·ic (adj): A quasi-bad, yet exhilarating, experience or thing; a notch coolerthan "killer." ex·pe·di·tion (n): well, you know this one, so here's a quick joke. Grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!" Grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?" ex·treme (adj): as with art and porn, you'll know it when you see it, or someone will explain it to you later at the hospital. free-heel·er (n): telemark skier. Term developed by the corporation that owns and earns residuals from use of the letter "e"; immediately increased profits over the use of "telemark skier" by 67 percent. fresh·ies/pow pow/stash (n): all terms forfresh snow. (Except for, you know, "stash.") get schooled (v): to wipe out or be humbled in competition· Similarly, to attend Florida State or LSU. glis·sade (n): French term referring to a downhill slide on your backside. glis·sade (n): déjàvu for a French term referring to a downhill slide on your backside. gnar·ly (adj): exhilarating, though a tad more severe than "epic." gon·zo (adj): describes crazy behavior while climbing, surfing, or skiing that defies Death. Yeah, go ahead, flip off Death. Mock it.It won't be back for you. Gör·an Kropp (n): famed adventure athlete who rode his bike to and from Everest, in the process summiting the mountain without supplemental oxygen. The achievement was subsequently diminished when it was noticed that "Göran Kropp" was obviously the name of a space alien. grom·met (n): a novice surfer or very small gromm· GU (n): gooey carbo-packed substance many athletes eat during a tough workout· Every bit the savory culinary wonder its name evokes· Bon appétit! gu·ru (n): someone who professes to have a deep understanding of the world that others lack. (See "thug," someone to call moments after a guru-sighting.) ham·mer (v): to crank, as in "hammer a hill on a mountain bike." (n): a remarkably strong cyclist, as in "That guy is a hammer." (adv): actually, there is no adverb here, but grammar and parts of speech are important. Stay in school, kids! huck·er (n): a snowboarder or mountain biker who will exploit anything for publicity, ideally while wearing a pair of fabulous new Outside® brand sunglasses ($179.95). In·to Thin Air (n): final destination of Jon Krakauer's comparative obscurity after his best-selling book about the 1996 Everest disaster. kill·er (adj): even more "epic" than "gnarly." (Where's "cool" on this scale, again? I'm lost.) Kon-Ti·ki (n): the 45-foot balsa-wood raft that Thor Heyerdahl sailed from Peru to the Pacific island of Raroia in 1947 during the most bizarre police chase of all time. liv·ing the life (v): actually doing the stuff we write about in the magazine. (See "lying.")
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