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Outside Magazine February 2004
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Heights of Absurdity
The big screen's most outrageous climbing gaffes.

Typically, when Hollywood goes to the mountains, strange things happen: Climbers leap from helicopters with nitroglycerin strapped to their backs and Sylvester Stallone fires a gun that shoots bolts into solid granite. All of which is good for high-velocity viewing but makes real mountaineers smack their foreheads in stupefaction. Below, we critique four screen moments best enjoyed with a climbing buddy and a few heady stouts.

Vertical Limit (2000)
The Reel Story:
On K2, Chris O'Donnell leaps over a massive gap and instantly glues himself to a far wall with his ice axes.

The Real Story:
His arms would have been torn from their sockets, perhaps making this film worth watching.

Mission: Impossible 2 (2000)
The Reel Story:
Tom Cruise solos unroped up a cliff, performing an unlikely series of dynos and crucifix-style deadman hangs.

The Real Story:
Cruise did the climbing, but there was a cable holding his ass to the wall—they just digitally erased it.

Cliffhanger (1993)
The Reel Story:
On a Tyrolean traverse over a canyon, Michelle Joyner's metal harness buckle breaks and she plunges to her death.

The Real Story:
Bad Michelle—too many doughnuts! Those harnesses are rated to only 3,372 pounds of force!

The Holy Mountain (1926)
The Reel Story:
Cut from a dancing Leni Riefenstahl to two climbers on an icy ledge. One produces an accordion and starts to play; a bit later, his cohort falls off.

The Real Story:
Mein Gott! He must have dispatched his partner with the sinister HAPE (high-altitude polka execution) method!
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