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Outside Traveler 2004
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Revisionist History

lewis and clark, missouri river
(map by Susanne Ducker)
Along with enduring a hint of the hardship the Corps experienced, we were awed by some of the same natural wonders that had inspired them. For 25 twisty miles, the bizarre sandstone formations of the White Cliffs loomed over us, resembling melted gargoyles. And at several points on the river we stopped, disembarked, and hiked through slot canyons with names like Butcherknife Coulee. Up on a windblown ridge, we traced circle after circle of weathered stones, the lonely remnants of a Native American tepee village.

The highs and lows of our trip offered no comparison to those experienced by Lewis and Clark. They gnawed on greasy beaver tail; we savored cornmeal-encrusted salmon. They were allotted a gill (four ounces) of "ardent spirits" per man daily; we allotted ourselves, well, more. They suffered from boils, dysentery, and dislocated bones; I broke a nail opening a beer can.

Access & Resources
To paddle the Upper Missouri Lewis-and-Clark style, contact Jim Cummings at Lewis and Clark Canoe Expeditions (888-595-9151,www.lewisandclarkguide.com) in Fort Benton, Montana. Jim provides guided canoe trips from $175 per person per day and offers shuttles and rentals for do-it-yourselfers.
In the end, though, my hopes of experiencing Lewis and Clark's West were almost realized. The Missouri River scenery has lost none of its beauty, but we've sadly lost the perspective of innocence. It's impossible to tap into the sense of danger and imminent discovery that must have gripped those pioneers.

Armed with guidebooks and maps, my back to the Pacific Ocean, I mostly knew what was coming and how I might feel once I arrived there. And I couldn't escape the hard fact that, in even the deepest slot canyon, I was still within 70 miles or so of the nearest Big Mac.

The westward journey of the Corps reached its ultimate goal in November 1805, when the weary travelers finally came within sight of the Pacific. Clark summed up his relief succinctly: "O! the joy." With no ocean at the end of our own trail, we sought our joy at the bottom of a glass in the Sip-N-Dip Lounge, fittingly located just upstairs from Clark and Lewie's Pub & Grill in the city of Great Falls. While a team of well-fed, sequined "mermaids" frolicked in a pool tank situated behind the retro tiki bar, we toasted the intrepid group of explorers who had unwittingly brought us to this point.

"Just think," I said, waving to a particularly shimmery swimming mermaid. "If it weren't for old Lewis and Clark, none of this would have been possible.


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